A Bitter Winter Kiss
by ShadowStalker221
Summary: Sequal to A Snow White Christmas: It's been 2yrs since Izaya and Shizuo started dating. Everything's perfect, until He returns. A shadowy figure from Izaya's past threatens him and his relationship with Shizuo. Will Izaya's past tear them apart for good? Shizuo X Izaya O/C
1. Shattered Past

_Prologue: December 28__th__,2013 Train Station_

"_Shizu-chan please let me explain!" Izaya cried out. Things were spiraling out of control, he never wanted this. He was losing him, losing him to his past. This wasn't suppose to happen, this wasn't-_

"_Save it Izaya! I know all about it! I trusted you and all this time you fucking lied to me!" His words, like venom. Pure anger pouring from his words. His heart now reduced to pieces, unfixable. One day too late…_

"_Shizu-chan it's not like that! I don't want to lose you! Let me-"_

"_No! I'm done Izaya! I'm done with you, with this relationship, with all of it!" Shizuo yelled as he pulled the ring from his finger and through it onto the cold floor. The sound echoed off the walls only making this even more real. A dream…God in heaven…let it be a dream…_

"_Shizu-chan…I love you...," Izaya said as forced back his tears. Three words, three simple words, they meant so much, now, worthless. Shizuo clenched his fists and glared at Izaya. Those words meant nothing to him now, completely void of a meaning. _

"_I hate you! I hate you with every fiber of my being! I don't ever want to see your face ever again! If I catch you in Ikebukuro or near the orphanage, so help me God I'll kill you!" Izaya couldn't hold out any longer. Tears poured from his eyes, falling like rain. Shizuo felt it, the one thing he couldn't hold back. A single tear slowly rolled down Shizuo's face. His last tear, a tear of bitterness. _

"_Goodbye Izaya…this will be the last time our paths meet…," Shizuo said bitterly as he turned to leave the train station. Within minutes he was gone…forever. Izaya stood alone in the train station crying and punching the walls out of anger. He won. He did it. Izaya's world, shattered. Just. What. He. Wanted. _

Sunday Morning December 1, 2013

The sun's warm rays pushed through the pure white curtains of their apartment. Izaya unconsciously extended his arm out to hug his sleeping lover, only to touch the soft silky sheets instead. Sensing this, he slowly opened his eyes to see his sleeping monster wasn't beside him. The awakening raven rose up and looked around the room for his blonde. He swung his legs over the bed and got up. He opened the door and walked into the hallway, still no sign of him.

"This is the last night you'll spend alone. I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go. I'm everything you need me to be…," a familiar voice sung out. Beautiful, flawless, his true love's voice.

Izaya walked down the hall and saw his boyfriend standing in the kitchen making breakfast. The aroma was intoxicating, it drew Izaya in. He silently made his way into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Shizuo's waist.

"Good morning, Shizu-chan," Izaya said quietly into Shizuo's ear. He turned his head and smiled gently at his raven haired lover. Izaya leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Shizuo's lips, soft like roses.

"So what's for breakfast?" Izaya asked staring at the various ingredients being tossed around in the skillet.

"Your favorite, yakisoba and domburi with egg and chicken on top. If you don't want that you better tell me now before I get too far into cooking it." Izaya stared at the food being prepared before him and smiled. Anything's good as long as his monster is making it. Izaya gently kissed Shizuo's neck and whispered in his ear,

"How'd you know that's what I wanted?" Shizuo took in a sharp breathe and tried to fight back the urge to screw Izaya senseless, did that last night. Trying to hide the pleasure in his voice he replied,

"Aren't I supposed to know what you want for breakfast? I am your boyfriend after all. I have to know these things." Izaya placed his head on Shizuo's shoulder and laughed to himself.

"I love you Shizu-chan."

"I love you too Izaya."

~~: :~~

"Ittadakimasu," both Shizuo and Izaya said. Chopsticks were broken and the breakfast before them was quickly eaten. Izaya couldn't resist Shizuo's cooking, no way in hell. Many times he's suggested Shizuo become a chef but he always said the same thing, "I only want to cook for you." So romantic, damn him. He always knew just what to say to make him feel all warm inside, he hated it sometimes. Izaya didn't want to admit that he loved Shizuo more than anything on this earth, in fear _it_ might happen again. The thought made Izaya quiver in fear. No, never again, never again…

~~: :~~

The dishes and kitchen were cleaned at they had the whole day to themselves, what to do? This was the only day Izaya didn't have any transports for Celty or any business matters to be taken care of, his first day of in a long time. Frankly he didn't want to go anywhere or do anything except just be with Shizuo. He never realized how much the blonde meant to him, he didn't want to realize it, venerability, something he couldn't afford to have. It was a little to late to hide it since they've already bought an apartment and moved in together and it's only been a year, two that they've been together. Surely _he_ knows, **nothing** gets past him. That's what terrifies Izaya. If he finds out then…_it_ **will** happen again.

~~: :~~

"_You are __**nothing**__ without me. You __**can't**__ survive without me. You live by __**my**__ rules and I am your _

_**God**__. Remember the fact that no one will ever love you, because you're nothing but a slut who will do __**anything**__ for a quick fuck. You're worthless, pathetic, and you belong to me and don't you __**ever**__ forget it…"_

~~: :~~

**Well since it is New Year's Eve I decided to give you guys a little peek at what I'm cooking up. I got an idea and I' m going for it. Sorry if my Japanese breakfast choices weren't the best but unfortunately I'm not a native of Japan =( so I had to make due with what I found on Google. I hope you liked this little chapter and I hope you'll stick around for more. Happy New Years guys from Me, Shizuo, Izaya, and everyone from Durarara! ^_^**


	2. Scared For Life

_History always repeats itself…_

_Sunday Morning Continued _

Izaya felt Shizuo wrap his arm around his shoulder, pulling him in closer. Izaya complied and cuddled with his monster, his soft, sexy, irresistible, sweet, oh god…what the hell is he saying? Izaya Orihara **doesn't** use sexy or sweet especially not when describing Shizuo. But wasn't he supposed to use 'those' types of words? Shizuo is his boyfriend after all and couples do that, right? Couples…he and Shizuo are a real couple, the signs are obvious. Why is it so damn hard for him to truly realize it?

Shizuo looked at Izaya and saw the sadness on his face. He gently lifted the raven's chin up and looked at him with concerned eyes.

"You okay, Izaya?"

"I'm fine…" Shizuo didn't believe him, not for a second. Though Izaya didn't realize it, Shizuo had learned a few tricks on how to determine if he was lying or not, sneaky brute.

"No you're not fine. Tell me what's wrong." Izaya pulled away from Shizuo avoiding any further eye contact with the man. This wasn't Shizuo's problem; he wouldn't allow it to be. This was something he had to do on his own without Shizuo. He's the last person Izaya would want to see harmed by _him_. It always comes back to that, the black stain on his life, left behind by _him_.

~~: :~~

_Bound, bruised, broken, helpless…he couldn't escape. He had been stripped naked, raped for god knows how long, burned, beaten, starved, tormented, and still the torture had only just begun. _

_Lying on the cold ground floor covered in blood and semen, shaking, blood pouring from his wounds. Laughing, his abuser found amusement from his pain. Izaya tried to get up but the pain thrusted him back down onto the cold concrete floor, it was no use. _

_Izaya felt a tear run down his cheek, the only source of heat. _

"_Help. Help. Help. Someone. Anyone…" His mind screamed at him to fight back, but how could he? If he did then the beatings would never end. The pain would never end. _

_It connected. His foot with his ribs. A crack rang out. Pain. Searing pain. Laughter. Again and again he struck Izaya in the stomach cracking one…two…three ribs. Izaya cried out in agony, tears streaming down his face. _

"_Remember this pain Izaya. Every time you think about leaving me or screwing another man you'll remember this pain and never forget you're mine and no one can take you from me."_

~~: :~~

Izaya sat in the corner of the bedroom, his legs pulled up to his chest. The walls were closing in ever so slowly. Sweat ran down his forehead and fell to the floor. Terrified. The only word that even begins to describe it. Terrified of what _he_ might do. Terrified about what would happen to Shizuo. Yes…Shizuo…the only man he ever-no…he wasn't the first man he ever loved. That's what made it burn, eat at him, mock him, he fell in love with another man he thought would never hurt him, how wrong he was. That man took everything from him. His heart, his love, and the most valuable of them all…his virginity…

~~: :~~

_Glowing red hot, getting ever so closer to his creamy white skin. His breathing quickened, broken ribs tearing at his lungs. Twisting. Trying to get away. Rough unforgiving hands pinning him down. Trapped. _

"_Hold him down damn it!" _

"_Yes boss." _

_Izaya screamed as the hot needle made contact with his soft skin. Ever so slowly the monster he once called his lover, began carving his permanent mark. Izaya's screams became louder and louder, his eye's rolling in the back of his head desperately trying to stop the pain. Finally the pain stopped, was he…dead? No…that would be too easy…_

_The men released Izaya and stared at their boss' handy work. Carved forever into Izaya's stomach read his name…S…H…I.._

~~: :~~

"STOP IT!" Izaya's eyes bolted open…a horrible dream…how he wished that's what it was. A memory. A painful memory. One that would eventually tear the one man that would erase _his_ mark away from him forever. Izaya cried into his hands, he hated this. He hated feeling useless, pathetic, weak…vulnerable. This time he had a true reason to be terrified and crying in a dark cold room.

For today is the day that monster is being released from prison…

~~: :~~

"Let's hope we don't see you here again," the warden said bitterly at the man's face.

"I hope so too. I don't want to see your disfigured face again," the man hissed back. Free. Finally. Free. The free man walked out of the jail and into the world once again. He looked at the darkened outline of Ikebukuro and said,

"I'm coming for you Izaya. I'll find you and when I do…you'll regret ever betraying me. And I'll start with that bartender you left me for…he'll be the first of many to die." A truly evil grin appeared on his face. He's out for blood and there's nothing standing in his way.

~~: :~~

**You have no idea how hard it is not to say the man's name! I gave you guys a little clue in the torture passage. Hope you enjoyed it, aside from Izaya breaking his ribs and having a hot needle carve a name into your stomach…0_O. God…I'm becoming a twisted person…ah well it's only a fan fic ^_^. Oh and I know you're all thinking, "Izaya doesn't cry he would never act like that blah blah blah well not all fan fics have to follow every detail pertaining to their personality. I want to see Izaya not in control and defenseless for once. And I'm the writer so :P. Anyways hope you liked it and I'll have another chapter soon. Oh and I'll explain later on how Shizuo didn't see the scar on Izaya's stomach when they had sex. Don't worry I gots this covered!**


	3. He's Back

_The moment you decide to give up is the moment you lose everything…_

_Monday Morning December 2__nd_

Shizuo had left early that morning due to a job with Tom, leaving Izaya alone at the apartment. He didn't want be alone, not while that monster is out there. He just wanted to be next to Shizuo every second so that…so that he can protect him. He wants to feel those strong arms grab hold of him and never let him go. He was the only one he ever wanted, no one else could even come close to…what a lie…what a terrible lie and _he_ knew it too. Izaya grabbed his jacket and left the apartment he just couldn't stay here and cry and mope around all day, it just wasn't him, playing the damsel in distress, how pathetic.

The streets of Ikebukuro were filled with people rushing from place to place never once stopping to realize time was passing them by. There was more to life than just working or rushing to their next destination. Was it only him who thought this? Was there any alternative than just wasting time? Why did he care? So many questions and no answers…

~~: :~~

Izaya opened the door to his office building and was greeted by Namie's yelling and complaining, just like everyday.

"It's about time you got here. Were you kidnapped or something? Hey are you even listening?" Namie went on to continue yelling about Izaya but he was too lost in thought to give two shits about what she was saying. He had his own problems to worry about he didn't need to add her complaints to the list. Yes, he had his own problems, more like one problem. A problem he needed to take care of and fast, before anyone gets hurt, especially Shizuo.

Izaya sat in his chair spinning in it trying to come up with a plan. He was the infamous Izaya Orihara after all. There wasn't anything he couldn't do; at least, that's what he likes to believe.

~~: :~~

Shizuo walked silently behind Tom as he normally did, nothing's changed. The same trail of smoke lingered behind him, routine. Hands in his pockets and head up towards the sky, lingering mind. Something didn't feel right, this wasn't…

"Shizuo, did you hear me?" Tom asked once again. Shizuo quickly snapped out of his trance.

"Huh? Oh sorry Tom. What'd you say?" Tom sighed and looked at Shizuo. Something was off.

"You okay? You're not acting like yourself today. Everything okay with you and Izaya?"

"Yea everything's fine. I just got a lot on my mind."

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off. We've already covered all the jobs for today. I'll call you later tonight to see if you're okay." Shizuo nodded and said goodbye to Tom. Maybe he just needed a little rest or maybe a little love from Izaya. Ya that's defiantly it.

~~: :~~

Izaya finished sending the reply to Shizuo's message. He felt better knowing Shizuo was on his way here. His lover was coming to protect him, maybe this wouldn't be a big of a deal as he thought. After five years in the hole, _he_ should have given up already. Who can keep a grudge for that long? Many, many, many people could…that man was no different. What was he thinking? Damn it! Too many conflicting emotions. Just too many for him to handle…alone.

~~: :~~

Shizuo pushed past the endless hordes of people walking the streets. The city wasn't big enough for all these people. How they all manage to live here, he'll never understand. He couldn't talk, he lived here for as long as he could remember and he managed to pull it off. Guess he was just born to live in the city, who knows?

Why did his last job have to be half way across town? And it being noon doesn't help. Hundreds of people on their lunch break or getting off the night shift all using the streets at the same time backs up everything and it all comes to a crawl.

"Shit," Shizuo cursed. Izaya will just have to wait a little longer for hi to get there. What could go wrong? Stupid Shizu-chan. A lot can go wrong when a mad man on a journey for blood is after your Izaya-kun. How. Little. You. Know…

~~: :~~

Izaya stood at the window looking out at the city. Nothing but a sandbox filled with children. So naïve and blind to what's happening outside of the sandbox. But he knew, for he controlled what happened. Panicking children wondering why evil lives, he's the reason for it. God was in control and no one controls a god, no one…wrong answer…

Izaya felt someone wrap their arms around his waist and pull him close. Strong arms, Shizuo. A wave of security surged through out his body. He melted into his arms, so strong, loving, safety. Izaya felt Shizuo lightly kiss his neck and bite his tender flesh. Izaya let out a small moan. Shizuo's kisses and bites left him weak at the knees. A thought occurred to him. He's never had sex in his office before, maybe now would be a nice time to start.

The blonde's warm tongue slowly trailed up the raven's neck. Shivers ran down his spine. Another moan escaped his lips. The bulge in his pants grew bigger as it continued. Another kiss was planted on his neck, more waves of pleasure. God he couldn't take much more. Then he felt it, Shizuo's hand fondle his ever growing erection.

"S-Shizu-chan," Izaya moaned. Then he heard it, a snicker. This wasn't-

"So that's what you call him. Shizu-chan, how cute." It was him. It was-

Izaya pushed the man away and backed into the glass window behind him. He hasn't changed, those piercing eyes, that intimidating aura, that smirk.

"Sh-Shiki…"

~~: :~~

**What is that obvious? Well…yea I guess for real fans of Durarara it wasn't very hard to figure it out. I mean it could have been Shinra but that doesn't make sense and he doesn't have men that work for him so Shiki was the obvious choice. Hoped you liked the chapter and please prepare for what happens next… *_* this could get graphic…**


	4. Under The Darkness

_Pain is just a normal part of life…_

Fear. Terror. Run. Run. Get. Away. Can't run. Can't get away. Trapped. Izaya stared at Shiki the very man he loathed and feared. He was here. This wasn't a dream.

"Come now Izaya. I thought you'd be happy to see me," Shiki said with a smirk on his face.

"Why the hell would I be happy to see the man who scarred me, beat me, and tortured me! I never wanted to see your face again! I hate you Shiki! I hate you so fucking much!" Anger, pure anger in his words. The smirk on Shiki's face turned into a scowl as he grabbed Izaya's face and pulled him closer towards him. His eyes hadn't changed, evil, still pure evil.

"Didn't I tell you that you belonged to me and no one could take you from me? Didn't I say to remember the pain I engraved into every time you slept with another man or thought about leaving me? Didn't I say that you were nothing but a slut who'd do anything for a quick fuck? Even after five years my words still ring true in your mind don't they? You're nothing without me!" A knife pierced his heart, true, it was true. He couldn't forget. He just couldn't…

"You left me Izaya. You betrayed me and now, heh, and now you're going to pay dearly for it." Izaya knew what he meant. No, never again. Please, don't. He had to do something. He won't let it happen again. Izaya grabbed Shiki's hand and pushed it away. This time, he'll fight back.

"No…never again Shiki. You took everything from me! It took me four years to stop being afraid of every knock on my door, to stop being afraid of my own shadow for god' sakes! It took me four years to find someone who would erase your mark from my life! You ruined my life and I was a fool to let you come into my heart! I won't let you control me anymore! Enough is enough!" Shiki clenched his fist and with every ounce of strength he had he punched Izaya. He wouldn't except disrespect from a slut. Someone needed to show Izaya his place.

Shiki bent down and picked Izaya's head up, slamming it down onto the hard wood floor. Izaya held back his cries of pain. He wouldn't give Shiki the satisfaction of hearing him cry. Shiki held Izaya's arms above his head as he stripped Izaya of his pants. The rush of cold air hitting his legs caused him to cringe, which only made Shiki more irritated.

"Sit still!" Izaya knew all too well Shiki didn't mess around with torture. He knew there was nothing he could do or say that would make him stop. Could he survive five years of Shiki's built up rage? Where was he? Where was Shizuo? Where was his savior? Had he to abandon him?

~~: :~~

Izaya had been fully stripped of his clothing, bound and awaiting the inevitable pain that was about to come. Shiki laughed at the sight of Izaya bound and defenseless, how he loved to see that look of fear on his face. This was going to be fun.

Shiki pulled Izaya's face towards him and kissed him hard on the lips. There was no love, no compassion, only hatred. Izaya could feel Shiki's tongue dart into his mouth and take hold of his tongue, disgusting. Izaya kept his eyes closed and twisted beneath Shiki trying to make him let go. Then he felt it, Shiki bit down hard on his tongue. A small cry escaped Izaya's lips. Shiki didn't stop there. He left Izaya's mouth and trailed kisses down to his nipples. Normally Izaya would love what was about to happen but obviously this wasn't a normal situation. Shiki bit one of Izaya's nipples and only increased the pressure. Izaya cried out and tried to make Shiki stop, there was no stopping him. This was only the beginning.

Shiki's cold hand grabbed hold of the scared informant's member. A gasped escaped his lips, no not there, anywhere but there. Shiki jerked and pulled it enjoying the sounds he received from the informant, cries of pain.

"S-stop Shiki, please…," Izaya pleaded.

"Five years Izaya. Five years." Shiki pulled something out of his pocket and Izaya froze when he saw it, a knife.

"Let's see if this Shizu-chan will want to fuck a slut who's been branded by another man." The blade of the knife was long, sharp, and glistened when the sun hit it. Shiki laughed and slowly traced over his name on Izaya's stomach. Shiki slowly started to increase the pressure until he felt the blade slice into Izaya's smooth skin. The raven cried out and pleaded with Shiki, but alas, it fell on deaf ears. He continued his sick revenge and ripped through Izaya's soft flesh with the blade. Blood ran down the informant and pooled onto the floor. After he finished rewriting his name in a gagged design on the soft skin of the raven he continued branding other places, not over yet.

Shiki cut the rope that bound Izaya's hands and he whispered harshly in his ear, "If you move a single inch I swear I'll cut your throat." Izaya nodded and made no attempt to move, he wasn't stupid. Shiki grabbed Izaya's left arm and slammed it onto the floor. Waves of pain traveled up Izaya's spine, don't move. He could feel the agonizing pain as Shiki slowly carved the word: SLUT into his arms. He carved it over and over into his arm, write down to the bone. Izaya screamed as the pain became unbearable. Blood was gushing from his arm, showing no signs of stopping.

"One year of torture," Shiki spat out at Izaya. He repeated the process on the right arm. This time he wrote: COCK SUCKER. He carved this one ever slowly. Cutting down to the bone and going even father. Then Izaya heard it, crack. The blade had cut into the bone. Izaya screamed to the top of his lungs he twisted and twisted trying to get away. He couldn't take it anymore. Shiki growled and repeatedly punched Izaya in the face. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, harder and harder, his jaw broken. Izaya couldn't cry anymore, even if he wanted to, pain was coming from every inch of his body and Shiki still had only just begun.

"Two years of torture." Shiki continued to carve the rest of his mark in Izaya's right arm. Every time he cut down and into the bone. Tears streamed from the helpless raven's face. Blood pooling beneath him, engulfing him.

"Three years of torture." Two more years, just two more, he could make it…? Beaten, scarred, what else? Oh yes, Shiki's personal favorite. SCARS AND BURNS.

A lighter was pulled from his pocket along with a package of cigarettes. Shiki grinned as Izaya cried and slowly lost the will to live, what a sight to behold. Shiki pulled a cigarette out of the carton and lit it. He inhaled and few times and blew out the smoke in Izaya's face. He held his breathe and closed his eyes, it burned like fire. Once Shiki saw that the cigarette was in perfect condition he snuffed it out on Izaya's stomach. Shiki could hear the sizzle of the raven's flesh and the cries that made their way out of his mouth. One down only ten more to go. Number nine, on his left thigh. Number eight, on his navel. Number seven, on his forehead. Number six, on his right thigh. Number five, on his right nipple. Number four, on his left nipple. Number three, on his right thigh. Number two, on his left cheek. And number one, on his beaten and abused cock. That last one that last burst of fire pushed Izaya over the edge. He screamed as loud as he possibly could. Another crack rang out, his jaw. The darkness was taking him over, he could feel it grip his throat, stealing his air.

"Four years of torture." He couldn't take much more. He was losing this fight and still his savior had not arrived. Shizuo…would never come for him. This was it.

"Looks like your Shizu-chan hasn't come yet. I guess he realized a slut like you isn't worth coming to see. No one thinks you're worth seeing. You're pathetic and no one will miss you," Shiki hissed. Shizuo was supposed to love him, protect him. Was all of that a lie? Was…was Shiki…right? Maybe he was right. If Shizuo hadn't come by now, maybe he realized that he wasn't worth saving or even loving.

"And finally five years of torture." He felt it. His foot connect with his ribs. Just like before. Again and again. His foot met his ribs. Crack, crack, crack ,one by one his ribs cracked as Shiki's kicks never lightened up. Harder and harder he kicked until he felt his foot go numb. One last kick, it connected, the last rib, crack. All of his ribs had been broken. Every. Single. One.

He couldn't breathe without wave after wave of pain surging through out his body. Shiki stood above Izaya and laughed as Izaya struggled to stay alive. That evil smirk never left his face. Finally Izaya knew who controlled him. God had been thrown from his throne. Shiki was now God. Izaya's ego, broken. His body, shattered. His heart, burned. He had nothing left.

"Now you know true pain Izaya. I'll b watching you and that bartender. If you truly love him you'll tell him. You'll tell him about everything you've been hiding from him. And I mean **everything**. Because if you don't then I will." Shiki spit in Izaya's face and mumbled whore under his breathe. Then he was gone.

Izaya waited for God knows how long, just lying in a pool of his own blood. Then he heard it, the door opening once again. Had he come back to truly finish the job?

"Hey Izaya. You here?" It was his so called savior. Now he shows up. After it's all over. Worthless, he was completely worthless.

Shizuo walked into Izaya's office and saw his lover lying on the ground naked. He immediately ran towards him and kneeled down beside him.

"Izaya! What happened? Who did this to you?" Izaya struggled to say it, but he tried with every ounce of his strength,

"W-why didn't y-you c-come for me…?"The darkness took over and his eyes closed as the last of his breathe escaped his lips.

"Izaya? Hey wake up…wake up." Tears fell from Shizuo's face. This was all his fault, if he gotten here sooner maybe this wouldn't have happened. It's all his fault. The savior started at the raven's broken body. He read the words carved onto his arms, slut, cock sucker. Shizuo held Izaya's broken body in his arms and cried until Namie returned from her lunch break and called an ambulance.

"I'm sorry Izaya. I am so sorry…this is all my fault…"

~~: :~~

Shinra heard a knock at the door and ran to open it. Who he saw standing in the hallway was someone he wasn't expecting to see so early.

"Hello old friend. We have a few things to talk about."

"Shiki…"

~~: :~~

**I spared poor Izaya the humiliation of being raped because I think the poor baby has been through enough =( I mean I couldn't imagine the pain he went through. I felt like an ass writing this. How could I do that to Izaya! And I made my Shizuo feel like crap. I have to fix it…hmmm…maybe if Shiki dies in a fiery accident…naw too easy. Shizuo's got to have a revenge beating on Shiki =D. Well I hope you'll stick around for me. And school starts tomorrow and I may not be able to upload a new chapter everyday so don't be surprised if there isn't a new chapter everyday. Leave reviews my lovelies and I'll see you guys later ^_^**


	5. Deadly Connections

_You'll be okay in a world where love survives…_

How long had he waited? Seconds, minutes, hours? Time had avoided him, he knew nothing of his time there, all of it just a blur amongst the chaos. It all seemed like a horrible dream, how he wished that were true. How he wished that the sight he had seen was just a mere nightmare conjured up by his mind. Lies, nothing but lies. Why did he even bother to deny it all? The only thing he knew was that it was all his fault, all of it.

Tears never stopped falling as he was taken from his arms, still soaked in the warm blood. No words could escape his mouth; no mere words could even begin to describe the pain he was feeling. Could that have been the last time he held the love of his life in his arms? He didn't want to believe it, the truth hurts, it scars, burns, tears you apart.

~~: :~~

Blood, sure signs of trouble, this was the reason for his presence. He hadn't changed, those piercing eyes, intimidating aura, he was still the same, that's what scared him. He was capable of anything. There were no boundaries Shiki wouldn't cross in order to obtain what he desired.

A few drops here, spatter there, covered, covered in blood. Shiki's white suit now red with blood.

"Why are you here Shiki? And why are covered in blood?" Shinra was careful not to let his guard down. Though this was a friend, he could never trust someone covered in blood and not dying in front of him.

"I had to tie up a few lose ends that's all."

"Did those 'lose ends' involve murder?" Shinra asked bitterly.

"You'll see soon enough Shinra. But until then, I need a favor." What a bold request, typical.

"It all depends on what it is. I won't be dragged into you sick game Shiki."

"I assure you there's no game. I'm only getting revenge on the person responsible for putting away. I'm offended you'd think I'd pull you into this," Shiki said with a bit of laughter in his voice. What was he getting at?

"I'd don't have time for this Shiki. Tell me what it is you want so you can leave. I don't want Celty seeing you here, at least while you're covered in blood." Just as Shinra said her name Celty walked into the hallway to see what was going on. The black smoke rising from her neck poured out faster. She didn't like who she saw.

"_What is he doing here Shinra?" _Celty quickly typed, though she couldn't type the emotion, Shiki knew his presence displeased her. After what he did to Izaya before he was put away, she could never fully trust him or even stand to see his face. With him free, what will become of Izaya? How unaware she was that the deed had already been done, Izaya had be broken once again.

"Put that scowl away Celty. Don't you know it's _disrespectful _to be so rude to a guest?" Shiki hissed.

"_Who said you were our guest?"_Celty shot back. If she were an animal, right now she'd be a rattlesnake, the rattling from her tail signaling she was ready to strike any moment. Such as a desert rose, beautiful but strong.

"Alright stop it you two. That's enough. I'll only ask you one more time. What do you want Shiki?"

"I want what's rightfully mine and if you can't help then…," Shiki pulled out a gun a pointed it at Shinra's forehead. Celty immediately wrapped a black spiked choke around Shiki's neck. Shinra kept his composure and only gave Shiki a blank expression. He could see the anger and irritation in Shiki's eyes. He wasn't playing around. He's out for blood and no one will stand in his way. Not even a friend, a close one at that.

"Shinra, one of my closest friends, I don't wish to harm you or Celty that is not my intention. I only want the whereabouts of Raikan and you know damn well where the hell he is. I want to know now," Shiki demanded as the anger in his voice increased. Celty tightened her grip on Shiki's neck ever so slowly.

"You want to use him don't you? He's unaware that he's alive…you're truly a sick man Shiki. Using Raikan to kill him, hasn't he been through enough?"

"No!" Shiki yelled as he gripped the trigger tighter. "He has only just begun to suffer!"

~~: :~~

_Ikebukuro General Hospital 5:45 P.M._

Shizuo waited anxiously in the waiting room of the E.R. Wing. When will there be news? When will they tell him anything? When will he know if Izaya is alive…? Then he heard the sound he's been waiting for. The door opening and the doctor stepping in, finally. She walked up to Shizuo with a troubled look on her face, no, God no.

"Are you a part of Izaya's family?" She asked.

"N-No, I'm his boyfriend. Just tell me is he okay? Please I have to know…"

"What's your name?"

"Shizuo Heiwajima, now tell me is he okay." Why is she avoiding it? Is she preparing him for it?

"Mr. Heiwajima, I'm going to sugar coat this for you. I've learned quickly that only makes it worse when they hear the news." Shizuo clenched his fists, shaking, his whole body was shaking, God in Heaven, please…

"Just tell me…is he okay?"

"He'll pull through but he's still in critical condition and we'll have to keep him over night for observation. We don't want him going into shock again and we're unable to resuscitate him again."

"Again? What do you mean again? You mean he…died?"

"For a few minutes, yes. The damage to his body was…extensive. We didn't think he was going to make it." Shizuo fought back the powerful urges to destroy this hospital in a fit of rage. Kill, he was going to kill the person or people responsible for hurting Izaya. He lost him for a few minutes and he'll be damned if he lost Izaya forever. He wasn't able to protect him the first time, never again would anyone harm his Izaya-kun. Never. Again.

~~: :~~

Swirling, his mind was swirling, unable to tell reality from imagination. White, creamy white, warm, safe, he felt safe. This world delivered him from the cold hands of death. Could this be heaven? Impossible, he didn't believe in that stuff. He was God…right? No, he **was **God, cast down from his throne.

Falling, falling into darkness. He felt it, all the pain, the fear, it hit him at full force. The words were carving themselves into his arms, he could feel every rib snapping, digging into his lungs, the cigarettes burning through his flesh, his jaw twisting and snapping, and his absence. He tried to yell but his voice had been taken, stolen, just like everything else. Warm tears streaming down his face, dripping onto his arms, dissolving his skin like acid. Gripping his head and covering his ears, praying for it all to just stop.

"_Help. Someone. Anyone. Please help…"_

~~: :~~

"Do you wish to see him?" The doctor asked. Shizuo was hesitant to answer.

"Is he still unconscious?" The doctor nodded.

"Then yes…" She led him down to Izaya's room. She opened the door and he stepped in. He almost lost it, he almost broke down, not yet, not here. Covered, Izaya was covered in tubes, blood transfusions, I.V's, heart monitors, respirators, bandages, broken, he looked so broken… Shizuo covered his mouth with his hand, he just couldn't take it. It was just too much.

"What happened to him…?" Shizuo forced out.

"I've only seen this one other time Mr. Heiwajima and they didn't make it. Izaya is extremely lucky. In all sense he should have died of blood loss or his ribs puncturing his lungs."

"Please, just tell me what they did to him." The doctor sighed and flipped to Izaya's chart.

"Extreme blood loss, broken jaw, severe lacerations to his stomach and arms, hairline fracture on his left arm, every single rib broken, and minor cigarette burns. With all do respect, this person went easy on him." Shizuo bit his lip, easy? This was easy?

"How the hell is that easy! Look at him! Look at what they did to him!"

"I know what they did Mr. Heiwajima! I was the one who sewed him back together using over 300 stitches! I was the one who helped resuscitate him when he died! I was the one who wired his bottom jaw back in alignment! I was the one who had to watch him cry and scream every time we even attempted to help him! I was the one who operated on him for over four hours trying to keep him alive! I know what those bustards did!" Shizuo held his tongue and slammed his fist into the wall beside him.

"I'm sorry…," Shizuo said quietly.

"No I'm sorry for yelling. I had no right to do that," she said sincerely.

"Mr. Heiwajima, you should go home. I'll call you if he wakes up. You should give yourself some time to think and gather your thoughts." Shizuo looked at her and sighed. She was right, but how could he go home knowing those monsters were out there? He couldn't just sit around sulking and wallowing in self pity. But what could he do?

"One more thing Mr. Heiwajima. Does the name Shiki mean anything to you?"

"Shiki?"

"That was the name carved into Izaya's stomach. My guess is that this is the man responsible, or the person that did this works for."

"Thank you doctor…for everything…"Shizuo took one last look and Izaya and left. It was too much, he couldn't take it.

~~: :~~

The sun was slowly setting, casting a black cloak over the city. Dread misery, sadness, death, all of it attacking him as he walked home. Home? He couldn't go home. Too many things that remind him of Izaya, just too much. This was one of the downfalls of being so helplessly in love with someone. When they're taken from you or harmed, it impacts you in a way no one could ever possibly understand. That person is a part of you, and when they hurt you hurt. When they cry you cry. When they die…a part of you dies along with them. True love was a double edged sword. In the end you can never truly win.

~~: :~~

Alyssa sat on the couch reading a book watching the children play in the living room while Lauren made dinner. She would laugh quietly as Lily and the others would talk about what they'd play when Izaya and Shizuo would visit. They meant everything to them, to them, they were their parents.

Alyssa heard a knock at the door and ran to open it. She couldn't let them wait out in the cold, especially at night. When she opened the door, the smile on her face faded as she saw her son crying. Izaya was no where in sight, oh god, god no…

"Shizuo, what happened? Where's Izaya?" Shizuo grabbed his mother and cried into her neck. She held her son tightly and sang her lullaby,

"Hush my child don't you cry. Just let your fears float away as love comes into your heart. When the darkness comes, just remember my voice and think of me, for I am always with you…" The tears stopped falling, the sadness some what faded. Alyssa pulled away from Shizuo and wiped the tears from his eyes. She brought him inside and shut the door.

Lily heard the door shut and she looked to see who had arrived. She squealed and ran towards Shizuo. He hid his face and yelled, "Stay back Lily!" She stopped just feet from him.

"But Shizu-chan…" That name, that name…

"Don't call me that! Don't…just don't…" Lily was crushed, tears started to well up in her eyes. She quickly ran off and the other children chased after her. Alyssa hit Shizuo and yelled,

"What is your problem! You didn't have to yell at Lily! Why did you let her call you Shizu-chan? Why-"

"He's in critical condition Mother!" Shizuo yelled.

"What?" Shizuo used his rage to hide his tears, anger was the only way he could suppress his sadness.

"Izaya, he's at the hospital! You should have seen him Mother! He looked so broken and I couldn't save him! It's my fault he's there! I couldn't get there fast enough! I couldn't-"

"Shizuo!" Alyssa yelled as she held her son's trembling face.

"Calm down. Tell me what happened." Shizuo nodded and explained the events prior to now. Alyssa cringed when she heard the name Shiki as Shizuo explained about the writing in Izaya's arms and stomach. Her hand began to tremble. He's back…

"Shizuo, are you familiar with the organization called The Awakusu?"

"I've heard bits and pieces from Tom and from Izaya, but I don't know much about them. Why? What does this have to do with Izaya?"

"The man who did this to Izaya is a part of that organization…"

"How do you know this Mother? What aren't you telling me?" Alyssa took a deep breathe, the truth was about to be dragged into the light.

"Mother, answer me. How do you know about this?" She closed her eyes and finally looked at her son.

"Because you're father works for them."

**Dun Dun Dun! This is like mob soap opera! This by far is the longest chapter yet. I shed a lot of light on this situation and many secrets are going to be revealed. Hearts will be crushed and relationships will be broken. Stay tuned for more. Oh and I stayed after school till 4:00 looking info on ALL of Izaya's injuries and how to heal them. And I looked up info on the Awakusu. See this is how much I love you guys! ^_^ Hope you liked it! Oh and mind the grammar mistakes thanks!**


	6. I Know What You Did

_I can feel the pressure it's getting closer now_

What happens when you give yourself completely to another? What happens when you give your everything to a single human being? What would happen to you if someone suddenly took it all away from you? This is an unfortunate chain reaction in the city Ikebukuro. When underground forces clash with the dwellers above. When a single force destroys all that you hold dear, you'll stop at nothing to reclaim it, even if it means dying in the process.

~~: :~~

"Raikan is no longer within my range Shiki. He disappeared soon after you were hauled off to the slammer, believe me I looked. He was irreplaceable asset to both you and me. I wonder if he even knows. That he has -"

"By the time he finds out it'll be far too late. That bartender will pay dearly for his actions and I'll make sure he receives an even more painful punishment than Izaya's. Mark my words Shinra; this isn't over, not by a long shot."

~~: :~~

Speechless. What other word could even begin to cover it? Shizuo looked at his mother in disbelief. She had to be lying, she just had to be. His father, the very one who ruined his life, was working with the man responsible for putting Izaya in the hospital. He knew one thing for certain; he'll be the first to have all his bones broken one by one. Someone had to pay and if he couldn't get to Shiki, he sure as hell would get to his father.

"What do you mean he works for the Awakusu?" Shizuo asked. Alyssa hesitated to reply.

"You're old enough to hear the truth Shizuo. I wish I didn't have to but, it seems now you've been sucked into this just like you father." The truth? So was everything that Lauren told him a lie? What else had his mother lied to him about? Was she even his real mother? Was that man even his real father? What other lies had he believed?

"You lied to me for 27 years, why would I believe you now?"

"I don't expect you to believe me, but I do expect you to listen to what I have to say. Maybe after I explain you'll understand why I kept this from you." Shizuo honored his mother's request and sat back in the chair listening to what his mother had to say.

"When your father and I first started dating, he was involved with a small time Yakuza gang. They didn't get involved in narcotics or anything associated with it. Small time gangs normally handle gambling, prostitution, and racketing. Obviously I didn't want to get sucked into it but I loved your father and I didn't want to lose him to a gang, so I gave him an ultimatum, either he leaves the gang for good or I leave him. I gave him a week to decide and sure enough he gave his answer and so he cut all ties with the Yakuza and he never looked back.

About a year later he proposed to me and we got married. I knew then that this was the start of a whole new life together with him. That soon came to an end not two years later. One of your father's old friends from the Yakuza showed up and offered him a position in the Awakusu. At first he said no but his friend promised him money, power, women. He said yes and left the next day. And I knew it was no coincidence that he accepted the offer the day after I told him I was pregnant. He knew that he couldn't accept that position if he had a child, so he made his decision. He left you and me for the Awakusu. The rest you already know." So the truth's been brought out into the light, finally. But what a painful truth it turned out to be. He knew now why she did it, escape, the only option.

"You still lied to me, Mother," Shizuo said.

"I did that to protect you. I tried to keep you away from this but, like your father, you couldn't escape. Izaya tried to escape and look what happened to him. You can't get away from them, Shizuo. You can never fully escape them, never." Shizuo felt abandoned all over again. So his father never really wanted him, what a shocker. Was he that unlovable? Did his life mean so little? Everything was falling apart and he couldn't slow it down. Shizuo knew only one thing, he had to protect Izaya and he'll do it by any means necessary, any means.

~~: :~~

Useless, all of them, useless. All he wanted was Raikan's whereabouts, was that too much to ask for? Of course it was, everything was too much to ask for in his case. He didn't want to go back to the organization, not yet. He really wasn't in the mood to hear a lecture from the boss.

Shiki walked down the dark streets of Ikebukuro with an irritated face. Things were getting out of hand just way too out of hand. Izaya was damn lucky he didn't end up in the morgue, so damn lucky. It seems he receives all the luck in the world. Nothing "bad" ever happens to him, if so, it somehow benefits him. Too think, just hours ago, he threw the mighty Izaya Orihara down from his throne, from his kingdom. He was defenseless and vulnerable, the two things he despised the most. But this changes nothing; Izaya still has that stupid bartender to protect him, so many resources. If he wanted to truly destroy Izaya and take him back he'd have to get rid of Shizuo there was no other way.

Shiki stood outside the Awakusu Headquarters and hesitated to go in. It's been day since he was released from prison and he hadn't come back. Surely he's going to be lectured and yelled at by, not only the boss, but that stupid brat of his, Akane. God he was so sick of her. He still doesn't know why she's even in the business when she says she hates it and her turning 21 a week ago doesn't help. She thinks she's ten foot tall and bullet proof, we'll see about that. A couple bullets to the head should clear that right up.

Shiki sighed and walked inside, show time. The normal two bodyguards standing by the door greeted him with a silent nod. He returned the nod and walked past them. Nothing about the place had changed, it was still the same. As he glanced around he realized they seriously needed to redecorate. Just because they're an underground organization, doesn't mean they should keep the head quarters looking like it. Shiki entered into the main building and saw the familiar faces of his fellow members.

"I'm surprised Shiki hasn't come crawling back. He got out of jail yesterday and hasn't even bothered to call," Akabayashi said harshly.

"Shut the hell up Akabayashi," Aozaki replied angrily. "It's not as if you miss the guy. You don't even trust him let alone care where he is."

"That's enough. Both of you," Kazamoto hissed as he stepped in the middle of them. Aozaki rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breathe.

"Ladies please stop this bickering," Shiki said as he walked up to the men. They all gave him a less than happy look. Shiki shot the same look back at them.

"So this is the greeting I get after being in jail for five years? Looks like you've all some respect while I was away," Shiki spat at the three men. Akabayashi glanced at the two men beside him and spoke up, "Fine looks like I'll have to be the civilized person here." He cleared his throat and said, "It's good to have you back, Shiki."

"Coming from you, I doubt that," Shiki quickly replied. One thing he'd never forgotten was that he and Akabayashi didn't trust each other and somewhat detest one another. Aozaki and Kazamoto were different stories though. He respected them and trusted them even if it was only slightly. Aozaki pushed past Akabayashi and held out his hand to Shiki.

"It's good to have you back, Shiki. I'm still pissed at you though." Shiki raised his eye brow in confusion.

"You left me here to deal with Akabayashi. You were my back up and you left me all alone. Do you have any idea what it's been like for the past five years?"

"At least I know how to work a computer," Akabayashi whispered quietly to himself but made his remark known to Aozaki. Kazamoto shot him a look and hit the back of his head. The red demon glared at reptile eyes and punched him in his shoulder. Reptile didn't flinch but took the high road and called him a pussy instead, it seemed more "civilized."

"Do you honestly think I wanted to be in jail? Do you know how many times a guy tried to rape me? I was sent to solitary confinement for three weeks because I ripped an inmate's balls off when he tried to jump me in the showers. I swear I'd rather be here listening to Akane's bullshit than be in jail."

"I wish you were still in jail Shiki," Akane said bitterly. Shiki saw Akane come down stairs and walk towards him. Shiki glared at her and tried so hard to show his dislike for her. She shoved his face away from her view and walked over to Aozaki. Shiki clenched his fists and tried so hard not the throw her half way across the room.

"Great, Daddy's little princess' come down to bask me with her presence," Shiki said sarcastically. Akane rolled her eyes and flipped him off, pushing it, she's pushing it.

"Who the hell let you out of jail? I'm surprised you didn't become someone's bitch or have you?"

"Hooker," Shiki hissed.

"Asshole," Akane replied.

"Bitch."  
>"Homo."<p>

"Carpet licker."

"Cock sucker."

"Daddy's little princess."

"Mindless servant boy." Insults were flying back and forth as the verbal battle raged on. Shiki and Akane were on the verge of shooting each other when Kazamoto stepped in and stopped the battle.

"Enough, you're acting like children. Don't make me get the boss. You know how he hates to be bothered with petty things like this." Akane and Shiki glared at each other and agreed on an extremely short temporary truce.

Within minutes the heir to the Awakusu, Mikiya, walked into the room and started shouting at Akane.

"Akane, how many times do I have to tell you not to mess with-"before he could finish his sentence he saw Shiki and quickly greeted him.

"Shiki I'm so glad you're back. It hasn't been the same without you."

"Yeah, it's nice to be greeted by your oh so loving daughter," Shiki said as he looked at Akane who simply stuck her tongue out at him. Mikiya grabbed Akane by the hood of her jacket and jerked her towards him.

"Don't worry Shiki. I'll make sure she receives a lesson in respect."

"But Father! He started it!"

"That's enough Akane!" Shiki waved at the furious woman as she was dragged away by her father.

"This isn't over Shiki! I'll get you back!"

"Okay you have fun sucking your dad's cock again. Give him a kiss for me okay?" Shiki said with a smile on his face. How sweet revenge was.

"Why you son of a-!" Before Akane could finish yelling at Shiki the door leading to Mikiya's office slammed shut.

"You're treading in dangerous waters Shiki," Akabayashi warned. "Not that I wouldn't mind seeing you two tear each other to bits. We still need both you and Akane pulling your weight around here. Now that you're back, you'll need to resume your job."

"The boss told us to inform you that he needs to see you immediately," Aozaki added. Shiki nodded and went up the stairs and headed towards Dougen's office. He knocked on the door and he was let in by one of his bodyguards. Dougen was sitting at his desk and saw Shiki enter.

"Shiki I see you've returned in the same condition as you left. I'm glad to see you're okay. Please take a seat," Dougen said as he motioned his guards to leave the room. Shiki sat in one of the chairs in front of the boss' desk.

"What is it sir?" Shiki asked. A serious look shrouded over the boss' face. Shiki knew what this was about.

"I know what you did to him Shiki," the boss said with a dark tone. A shiver ran down Shiki's back. He's not one to easily be scared but that look shakes him to the core.

"I know all about the little "visit" to Izaya's office and I know that you placed him in I.C.U."

"Sir I-"

"Silence! You will speak when I say you can!" Shiki immediately shut his mouth and listened.

"Do you not realize that Izaya is one of our biggest informants? We could lose a lot of power and resources if he dies. I don't care what you have against him but you will not let that interfere with this organization. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir…"

"I spoke with one of the doctors at the hospitals. Izaya should be discharged in a few weeks and when he is you'll resume your regular meeting with him and continue to receive information from him. You will not commit any more acts against him or Shizuo Heiwajima. I don't give two shits about your feelings towards them and you'll let this whole incident go."Shiki rose from his chair and left Dougen's office. His built up rage was beginning to surface and he couldn't take much more. Let it go? Let it go! How the hell can he! The boss just didn't understand. No matter what the cost he will have his revenge on Izaya and Shizuo. Even if that means defying Dougen's orders and going against the Awakusu. Nothing will stand in his way, nothing.

~~: :~~

**Hey guys, sorry it took me awhile to update. I had a bad case of writers block and school's been really taking up a lot of my time. I'll update as soon as I can. So I hope you liked the chapter. Oh and I know Akane isn't really 21 in the manga but in my story she is. And to make the story more accurate I went on Durarara Wiki in order to find out all the members names. See this is how much I care about you guys ^_^ Oh and a kid at my school died last Friday and everyone's been really upset so if you could just send your love out to his family I'd really appreciate it. His name was Jayden Cross and he was only 15. Even if you don't believe in God I'd still appreciate the support and prayers. He was laid to rest today, Thursday, January 12, 2012 at 11:00 a.m. His grandma was also killed. 3 R.I.P Jayden Cross we'll miss with all of our hearts. 3 **


	7. I Love You

_Running away from the past only provokes it to follow you…_

_Pleasure, wave upon wave of pleasure surged throughout his body. Frying all of his nerves, numbing his spine, causing him to see flashes of white light, he never wanted this to end. Thrusting, faster, harder, slamming into his sweet spot, making him scream and moan his name. Yes, this was the man he longed to be with. He craved to taste his seed, to feel that hard, warm member inside him making him whole. He longed to feel those lips connect with his own, entangling their tongues, mixing the taste of sweat, cum, and their own saliva._

_No words could not express the sensations he was feeling. The only word that could even begin to express it was Heaven, pure heaven on earth. He could feel that moment quickly approaching as his lover slammed into him harder each time. One last hit, white consumed him and he came hard onto both him and his lover. The sight of it caused the other man to fall over the edge and release his seed deep inside him. Catching their breathe, placing one last kiss, feeling complete, this night was surely one to remember…_

"_I love you…Izaya…"_

_What meant so much…_

"_I love you too…Shiki…" _

_Now means nothing…_

~~: :~~

_Tuesday December 3__rd_

_7:30 A.M. Ikebukuro General Hospital _

Izaya's eyes bolted open as his memory came to a close. Bitter…such a bitter memory…and yet, why does he always chose to keep it instead of erase it? But how could he? That night, it was given to Shiki, the gift of Izaya's virginity. Never could he forget it. No matter how much he despised Shiki, it meant too much.

The sunlight pushed past the white curtains as Izaya's surroundings came back into focus. He slowly looked around and wondered where he was, and then it all came back.

_Blood, cracking ribs, a knife tearing into his flesh, scarring, burns, searing pain, he wasn't there, doctors rushing him into the hospital, ceiling lights shining down on him, death, the smell of death was everywhere, he wasn't there, darkness consuming his vision, consuming his soul, he wasn't there, he wasn't there, Shizuo wasn't there. _

Yes…his monster wasn't there to protect him. He could have saved him and yet he ended up in the hospital. Apparently, Shizuo didn't love him enough to come to his rescue, to protect him from evil.

Stupid…he was being so stupid. This wasn't Shizuo's fault...he didn't say a word about Shiki to him. He even asked and so easily did he push the monster aside. Even if he wanted to say something he couldn't. Shizuo was strong but Shiki had the Awakusu in his arsenal and he'd rather have every bone in his body broken than see Shizuo killed. Blaming the blonde was the only way he could even begin to pick up the pieces of his life, though it wasn't the best route, but what choice did he have? Someone had to take the blame and that someone would be Shiki. He destroyed his life once and it almost killed him, but he didn't have Shizuo back then, now he does. Still, Shiki will not stop, like he said, this was only the beginning and it will only get worse from here.

Doctor Naria, the same doctor who spoke with Shizuo, walked into Izaya's room and gave him a sweet smile as she walked to the foot of his bed and looked at his chart. As she flipped through the pages, Izaya stared at her and vaguely remembered seeing her as they rolled him into I.C.U. She kept yelling at the other doctors and surgeons telling them to help him and keep him alive. He was so close to the brink of death, a few minutes later and…

"This is very good," Naria said. "It seems your body is accepting the antibiotics and the burns are healing nicely. As for the ribs and stress fracture in your left arm, we'll need to take X-rays sometime today to see how the healing process is going. Other than that, you should make a full recovery in no time." Izaya was unable to reply since his bottom jaw was wired shut and he was still breathing from the respirator due to his broken ribs. Even if he could speak, what would he even say? Things were just to out of hand to even begin to comprehend. His world had fallen apart and he was just lying in a hospital bed doing nothing. But…what could he do banged up like this? Nothing…too much like the past.

"You won't be able to talk for another day or so. But I'll check with the other doctors to see if we can at least take you off the respirator," Naria said. Izaya nodded his head and turned his gaze away from her and towards the window that was covered by the black curtains. Naria looked at the window and said,

"I'm sorry Izaya, but due to your burns we have to keep the windows closed. The sunlight irritates it and I don't think you want any more pain." Izaya starred at the ceiling yearning to get out of bed and be with…

"He came by you know…," Naria said as she opened the door to leave. Izaya looked at her with saddened eyes. The smile faded from her face as she gripped the medical chart in her hand.

"I know that you blame him for what happened. And I know it's not my place to meddle in your personal life, but Shizuo really does feel guilty about what happened. You should have seen him when he saw you like this, it almost tore him apart." Izaya turned away with an angry scowl. Naria knew not to say anything more and turned to leave.

"I'll have a nurse come and give you your medications and I'll set up a time to get your X-Rays done," Naria said as she walked out of Izaya's room.

~~: :~~

Sleep avoided him like the plague. Not a second rolled by that he wasn't bombarded by the memories they both shared. That smile no one got to see except him, those lust filled eyes and moans of pleasure, that loving embrace-

"Enough…please…," Shizuo pleaded to an invisible being. No one could hear him for he was alone. Alone… once again. Shizuo's phone began to ring and he quickly answered.

"He's awake," Naria said.

"Give me ten minutes," Shizuo said quickly before hanging up.

What would he say? How could he even face him? Will he turn away? Question after question, absent of any answers.

~~: :~~

_Ikebukuro General Hospital _

_8:00 A.M._

Shizuo walked into the hospital and signed the visitor's board. He saw Naria standing outside Izaya's room. He quickly approached her.

"He can't talk. He can only listen. Say what you need to say and leave. Give him time to let it sink in," Naria said as she left Shizuo in the hallway. Shizuo gripped the door handle in his hand and stood there for what seemed an eternity. He took a deep breathe and walked into Izaya's room.

The Raven turned towards the door and froze. A mixture of emotions swelled up within him. Anger, sadness, comfort…love. He was happy to see his monster, but was enraged to see the man who failed to protect him. He was being torn in two and he didn't know which side to go with.

Shizuo walked up to Izaya and sat next to him. He tried so hard not to break down in front of Izaya, it just wasn't him. He's not the kind to show weakness, but when he did, it was difficult to regain strength.

"I know I'm probably the last person you'd want to see right now and I understand. I couldn't protect you and it's my fault you're here. I wasn't there to save you, to keep you safe. I failed you Izaya and I don't blame you for hating me and questioning my love for you but I want you to know one thing. I love you with every fiber of my being and I will never stop loving you. You make me feel things I never thought I could feel and I just…don't want it to end." Too much, he's already said too much, stop. Shizuo clenched his fists and got up to leave before he showed anymore weakness.

Izaya quickly reached out and grabbed Shizuo's wrist. Shizuo turned toward him and saw the look of sadness in his eyes. He held Izaya's hand and gently brought it to his lips. A wave of heat surged throughout the Raven's body. Shizuo gazed into Izaya's eyes and said,

"I love you…" He released Izaya's hand and left the room. No more words were spoken.

"_Don't go…please…"_

~~: :~~

**How many weeks has it been? One, two? I lost track. Sorry I hadn't updated in awhile. I've been busy and just hadn't been in the mood you know? Anyway I hope you liked the chapter. Leave reviews and I hope you'll stick around. ^_^ **


	8. No Destination In Mind

_A time that had been long forgotten, only to be yanked out by its roots and brought to the daylight…_

Izaya leaned against the sofa as Shiki laid his head in Izaya's lap. A smile appeared on the Raven's face as he looked down at his lover. In return a smiled also appeared on the boss' face. A small laugh escaped Izaya's lips as he leaned down and kissed Shiki's forehead.

"Promise me you won't leave me, Izaya," Shiki said as he twirled a small strand of Izaya's hair around his finger. Izaya smiled and replied softly, "I promise…I am forever yours Shiki…" Izaya gently placed his hands on Shiki's cheeks and pulled him up towards him.

Shiki ran his hand through Izaya's soft, black hair as they kissed. Izaya couldn't help but moan softly, trying so hard not to let Shiki notice. But being who he is, Shiki noticed and broke the kiss; a small frown appeared on the informant's face.

"You moan from a single kiss? You're such a slut."

"Only for you…" Shiki couldn't help but grin. He pulled Izaya back down for a hard kiss. Izaya felt Shiki's tongue dart into his mouth and begin to toy with his. Izaya moaned into Shiki's mouth and began to slowly move his hands down his chest. Shiki broke the kiss and grabbed Izaya's hands. He stared up at the disappointed Raven and shook his head "no".

"Not here."

"Then where?"

"No where. I have to leave in a few minutes." Izaya sighed angrily and pouted.

"Don't give me that look. You can go a day without sex."

"No I can't. You're an addiction, Shiki. I have to have you or I'll go mad."

"In that case," Shiki started. "I'll have to try and find a cure."

"What if I don't want to be cured?" Shiki laughed and flicked Izaya in the forehead.

"Idiot…"

~~: :~~

A long piece of ash fell from the burning cigarette as Shiki sat his desk, trapped in his thoughts. Many a time had he tried to forget. Many a night would he wake up in his cell so angry with not only himself, but with Izaya. He wanted nothing more than to see both Izaya and Shizuo suffer, but a part of him didn't wish to harm Izaya. Weather he like it or not, a part of him was still in love with Izaya and another part wanted him dead. He was in constant conflict with himself.

"Damn it, Izaya…," Shiki cursed to himself as the last of cigarette burned itself out.

~~: :~~

Numb, every part of him felt numb, dead, lifeless, a walking corpse. The once terrifying Monster of Ikebukuro was now reduced to a hollow, empty shell of a man. The one person he had ever loved was now in the hospital because he was too weak. Surely his true love had completely forsaken him. Who could blame him? But the look in his eyes said otherwise…

Shizuo mindlessly walked down the nearly empty streets of Ikebukuro. With no destination in mind, he continued to walk, never stopping. He just had to keep himself from slowing down and thinking about it, too late for that.

Shizuo kept his head hung low with his cigarette barely hanging in his mouth. He just didn't care anymore. The last of the smoke floated into the air and the cigarette fell out of his mouth and onto the ground and was extinguished by the Blonde's foot.

"Don't you think you've walked enough?" A familiar voice asked. Shizuo stopped and looked up. "Tom…? What are you doing here…?" Shizuo asked.

"You've been walking for the past hour. Where are you going?"

Shizuo shrugged. "Dunno. Somewhere."

"Go home, Shizuo. You can't let Izaya being in the hospital destroy you. It wasn't your fault, so stop acting like it was."

"You know nothing about it, Tom…"

"Apparently neither do you. You can't always be there to protect him, Shizuo. Izaya knows that his line of works comes with its dangers, same as yours." Shizuo stared at Tom with immense hatred in his eyes. He knew Tom was right, damn him to Hell for it. Shizuo turned his head away from Tom and started walking in the opposite direction. He didn't wish to hear the truth, he couldn't take it, he just couldn't.

"Oi, Shizuo. Where are you going now?"

"Dunno. Somewh-" Before Shizuo could finish, his body suddenly gave out and he collapsed. Tom ran to Shizuo's side and tried to shake him awake, nothing. Tom pulled out his cell phone and called Celty. There was no way he could carry Shizuo all the way back to his place alone. He may not look it, but Shizuo's as heavy as truck, has the strength of one to boot.

Not twenty minutes later, Celty arrived. She pulled out her PDA and quickly typed,

"What was he doing out here and where was he going?"

"Hell if I know. All he said was that he was going somewhere, no where particular." Celty began typing away but hesitated to finish. She finally finished and showed Tom.

"It's because of Izaya isn't it…?" Tom glanced at Shizuo and slowly nodded.

~~: :~~

Naria opened the door and walked into Izaya's room. Izaya caught a glimpse of her and quickly averted his eyes. He didn't want to see her only because she was completely right about Shizuo and he wasn't the type to admit he was wrong. Naria took the hint and sighed.

"If you can act like a big boy and look at me, then maybe I'll let the nurses come in and take you to get your X-rays, otherwise you can continue wallowing in self pity and waste away to nothing. It's your choice." Izaya wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of the hospital and get back to his normal life, well, what's left of it. He turned to her and glared at her. He wasn't angry with her, he was angry with the whole damn situation. He hated being so helpless and defenseless. Naria gave him a little smirk and called for the nurses. They took Izaya's medical chart and flipped through the pages writing down notes and comments about his current state. One of the nurses took Izaya off the respirator and Izaya wanted to cry out in joy but was unable to due to his jaw still being wired shut, this was a good start. The nurses quickly finished taking out a few of the unneeded IV's and rolled Izaya out of his room and towards the east wing.

After it was all over Izaya was once again back in his boring, white hospital room. He was beginning to feel like he was in an insane asylum. White was a color he wouldn't mind never seeing ever again, not possible, it was everywhere. The clouds, signs, cars, street lines, clothes, every where you turn, white.

"Good news Izaya," Naria said as she walked into his room. "Your bones seem to be healing very well and unusually quickly."

"_Is that a bad thing?"_ Izaya thought.

"From what I could tell from the X-Rays your diet is a huge contributor to this. Do you cook you own meals?" Izaya lost his breathe, no…Shizuo did…_ "I only want to cook for you…" _

"Shizuo cooks for you doesn't he…?" Naria asked hesitantly. Izaya slowly nodded and looked at the window. The curtains were still pulled shut. What he wouldn't give to see the sun, even if only for a second. He needed something to give him even an ounce of happiness. Naria walked over to the curtains and drew them back just enough to the sunlight flood in. The warmth of the sun's rays sent waves of happiness throughout his body. So warm, just like him…just like Shizuo… Naria smiled at Izaya and said, "What the other doctors don't know won't hurt them. A little sunlight won't kill you and I'm sure it gets depressing being in the dark day after day." Izaya smiled for the first time since he came here. His doctor was the little ounce of happiness he's being yearning for. Naria stepped away from the window and sat down in the chair next to his bed. She smiled at him and he smiled back. The tension in the air seemed to dissipate.

"If your bones keep healing at the rate they are, you should be out of here in about a week and a half, which is way sooner than usual. And I talked to the surgeon who wired up your jaw. He said it should be okay for him to unlock your jaw. You'll be able to eat but only soft foods so I'll mention it to the nurses and I'll also have them serve you milk along with your meals, you need the calcium. I'll come back for you when he's ready." Naria got up and headed for the door. She took one last look at Izaya and left.

Izaya turned his head towards the window and caught a glimpse of the outside world, his now godless kingdom. Yes…the great Izaya Orihara…was no longer in control…Shiki is now.

"_Damn you, Shiki! Damn you to the deepest pits of Hell!"_

~~: :~~

Celty opened the door to Shizuo and Izaya's apartment, while Tom slowly made his way in, trying not to drop Shizuo on the floor. Celty immediately put her arm under Shizuo and helped Tom take him to the bedroom. They carefully placed Shizuo on the bed and placed a soft blanket on top of him.

Celty gently took the Blonde's sunglasses off his face and placed them on the nightstand next to the bed. Celty looked at Shizuo and shook her head. She had never seen him so…broken. Trying hard not to wake him, Celty sat next to Shizuo on the bed and gently ran her hand through his soft, blonde hair. His body tensed up, then relaxed as he let a single name escape his lips in a low cry, "I…za…ya…" A single tear ran down the Blonde's cheek…

~~: :~~

"_You'll always love me right, Shizu-chan?"_

"_Of course I will and I will always be there to protect you. I won't let anyone or anything hurt you…"_

"_That's good…I'm glad I have my strong monster to protect me… I love you Shizuo Heiwajima…"_

_Lying in a pool of his own blood. Beaten, humiliated, broken, abandoned. "W-why didn't y-you c-come for me…?" Bring me out, come and find me in the dark now. Everyday I'm by myself I'm breaking down. I don't want to fight alone anymore…I wasn't meant to fight on my own…_

"I'm so sorry, Izaya…I am so sorry…"

~~: :~~

Hey guys how's goin? I know it's been 4 months since I've last updated, but school has been taking up a lot of my time. I hope you like this chapter. I'm still trying to fill in gaps in between the main points. Sorry if it's not all dramatic and super sad, hope this good enough :D Oh and like always, sorry for any grammar mistakes and leave reviews and give me your opinion. Should I continue with this story and if so PM (Personal Message) me some of your ideas, thanks you guys! :D


	9. Author's Notice

Hello to all my wonderful readers! It's just little ole' me popping in after a very extended absence to tell you as of now, Be Consumed By the Blood, Bitter Winter Kiss, and Becoming Death are being discontinued, for how long I have no idea. It's not like I planned this, but all my motivation has just disappeared due to school, death, and life itself. I'm actually very saddened by this because these were my first fanfictions and was my very first taste of what being a writer was like. This site and all of you have really helped me and my writing. For those of you who only read fanfictions and not write them, there's nothing like the feeling of checking your stories and seeing fabulous reviews filled with encouragement and helpful criticism. It made me so happy and proud to be a writer and lover of fanfiction. But fear not! I don't plan on stopping writing stories anytime soon! For the past four or five months, I've been addicted to Archive of Our Own. It's the greatest thing I've ever stumbled upon, bless you tumblr, and I'm seriously considering writing a Teen Wolf fanfic, since I've been obsessed with the show and Sterek! I'm not entirely 100% sure I'm going to do it, but my story line for Be Consumed By the Blood is really a good storyline for the Teen Wolf fandom. I hope if I do considered this, you'll pop on by and leave a review just to give a little encouragement Once again, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your amazing reviews and pushes of encouragement! Keep on reading, writing, and enjoying fanfiction! Until next time, my lovelies!

With all my Love, ShadowStalker221

P.S. My username for AO3 is, XxAngelicMurderxX

P.S.S. I highly suggest you watch Teen Wolf and Hannibal, both shows are

amazing and just scream slash fics! Okay, bye bye! :D


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